Got the relationship blues? Cant seem to get rid of that pesky lover of yours? Want to be on the fast track to being single again? Well look no further.Here I have compiled the top 5 ways your sure to get your clothes waiting on the porch for you by the time you get home. These techniques are universal scientifically proven to work in any relationship.
5. Video games
Nothing sexier than having your girl come home to you in your underwear in a sweat soaked couch puddle in your underwear with your headset on for hour number 9 because you just cant sleep until you destroy Deathcom 9. If you really want to sell this burn up a vacation week from work to complete this mission and immediately upon your wife's entry home from work ask her whats for dinner and to get you a beer before saying hello. Bonus!
4. Cell Phone
This one is easy. Just pretend it is your lover. Name it. Keep it in front of you at all times. Keep the ringtones loud, annoying and vibrating at all times. Make sure you get all your alerts during your sleep time. When you and your better half our deep into a heated discussion, hold up that one finger to silence them so you can check your messages, then return after with... "what were we talking about". This works especially good at dinner at a fancy restaurant. Movies is another great way to test this ones affection repellent qualities.
3. Disappearing Act
Just never be home. Go out all the time. Make work your priority with 12 hour days (voluntarily for a lasting effect). Hang out in front of corner stores. Anything. Get creative. And when they ask where you have been all day get defensive and yell at them for always questioning you... then leave again. Your almost guaranteed to get a pot of hot grits poured on you in the middle of the night. In which case, you can leave them and make it their fault.
2. Remove any Signs of Passion
The goal here is to make them feel like they are alone. Just get comfortable and complacent. Do your best to take them for granted and forget all the things that attracted you to them. Its a must to pull this off. Of course you have to also stop doing the things that you used to do that drew them to you as well. Just pretend you are hanging out with an old boss you used to hate and this should be a snap.
1. Social "Networking"
Have you ever logged into your Facebook account to send your friend a quick message and can't seem to find their page, later you find out they HAD to take their page down due to unapproved activity and friends on their top "to-do" lists? That is why this one gets our number one spot. Not only can you find and connect with people you know will set your spouse off, you can literally ignore them and spend your entire weekend on these sites without even noticing the days have passed.
These are some of the most effective techniques used by the experts in this field. Of course if you want to make your relationship unbreakable and build a bond that generates a passion in you like no other.. just do the opposite of this list =-)
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